I have no words. I feel emotionless. I want to hang on to hope. I want to believe the promise of our daughter, her name being the VERY REASON she was chosen- "God is my Oath", is an unbreakable covenant, but im losing heart today.
Back in this post, I wrote of my panic attack, of God commanding me to REST and also the promise of $3,000 by years end. Now at the time i thought that was in my head - because really, why do we even need this money? We aren't traveling tomorrow. We aren't in any real need for the funds this very minute. But the promised remained and He reassured me over and over.
So after that night, I put my hope completely in Him. I did absolutely nothing- beside blogging and giveaways (which for me is a form of rest). I waited expectantly for Him to show up. Apparently my God given Pollyanna-like traits have their advantages..
Three days later we received a total of $875 in donations. Four days later Adam received a call from an old employer telling him they need to cash out his vacation hours. Adam got off the phone completely stunned, when I asked how much he said, "I don't know, maybe $1000?"
I couldn't believe it! This is happening, God! I am RESTing and you are still giving. It's ALL you!
A couple days after that Adam grabbed my phone to pay some bills. Sitting right next to him, I hear him practically giggling. I look over and he shows me, $2600 had been direct deposited into our account. Evidently he had more vacation hours than he thought!
My faith soared that day. unBElieVAble! the still small voice in my head, it is truly Him. His promise came to pass in just 6 short days..
So why does all this matter anyway?
While my flesh wants nothing but to despair right now, to grieve, to run... my spirit longs to believe His original promise and to rejoice in the hope of E as my daughter.
Yet, my heart is torn. My faith, hanging by a thread.
But, when I look back and read some of the first posts of this journey, I am renewed because I walk away remembering again - the resistance that would come, the friends that would fall, the dependent abandon it would take, the adventure that awaits, the abundance that will flow...
He never promised a cakewalk.
I proclaimed it once here -"We are believing Him. And I gotta say, I have never known faith like I do right now. I can’t see a damn thing. But I am one of His sheep, I hear His voice, and I know I am not alone."
Now despite the visible circumstances, I will proclaim it all the same!
(Perhaps the promise of 3k was to strengthen my feeble faith at such a time as this?)
Per Random.org, Aaron McGrath is the Winner of Season 1&2 of Downton Abbey. Congratulations!!! Please email me your address ASAP!
Merry Christmas all, today we continue to celebrate.