boogers and tears

in case you live in a cave, i’ll be the one to fill you in. despite substantial public outcry, the adoption ban was indeed passed in record speed and signed into law Dec 28.

since, life has slowed to the most miserable pace you could imagine, every day feeling like an eternity. there is nothing to report besides the river of boogers and tears that flow intermittently.

we’ve turned into broken, lamenting beggars.

and this is not just about our daughter.  it's the faces i've poured though and pleaded for, the suffering souls whose one chance for a better life is, (at the present moment), devastated.

we grieve, in particular, those with special needs. for they are the ones who will be transferred to asylums. they are the ones who will die unnecessary deaths - by the hands of their own government no less!

the sheer denial of all this has faded, rather morphed, into a sort of rage. i told adam if there is nothing we can do at this point but wait, i am going to need a good punching bag to tame this beast. i guess righteous indignation has only proven its purpose when all we want is to dig our heels in that. much. more.

perhaps God has allowed such evil for that very reason?.. to invoke those who call Him “Lord, Lord…” into action. it’s worldwide news right now. eyes are being given the opportunity to see the suffering and devastation of these innocent children. no doubt, cages are being rattled and hearts stirred.

it’s like this: newsflash church! rise up, take a risk, forget your stuff, your need for security and entertainment, abandon your cozy so-called faith and leap boldly and blindly into the heights and the depths I’ve called you to. walk by faith and I promise to go with you into the unknown.

we’ve done our share of begging/demanding God to make a way, that if by some miracle He WILL set the captives free. surely He’s heard our pleas- we aren’t the only ones in-process who wholeheartedly believe:

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed." “Isaiah 61:1 NLT

you see, the course has already been laid. if we hadn’t been called by God alone to rescue this chosen girl, if we hadn’t already seen mountains move and her ransom delivered, we might have despaired, given up, moved on.

but He knew. He knew all along this would happen. moreover, He’s prepared us for this exact event.

every single step of this journey has been coated in His grace. you’ve witnessed it too…

:: when i stole that second look on the RR website, and clung tight to the meaning of her name - “God is my Oath”

:: when I wrote my first blog post advising you to “arm yourself, the war has begun”

:: when we saw the word “pilgrimage” etched on the parking curb at the overpriced psychologist we walked out on –i was sooo upset until i remembered that curb. He told me the road would be bumpy

:: when He warned me the yard sale would be about the people not the money –

:: when we met Sophia and her family and were given a matching grant

:: when I summarized this pilgrimage thus far as one big fat paradox 

He’s been training us up all along..

this, my friends, is the good work He has prepared in advance for us. (Ephesians 2:10)

and if our God is for us, then who can ever stop us?

and if our God is with us, then what can stand against?

while the outside world seems to be whirling by at holiday speed, i sit here quietly resting in Him. yes, i finally figured out just how to “be still and know that He is God.” see? preparation yet again. it’s been a lonely sort of week, i feel forgotten and unmissed, but it’s done me good to sit undistracted at his feet and weep as He comforts. 

i pray ever more for those breadcrumbs now, for His grace to buoy my wounded heart. and so, He wakes me with a song every morning, a copper moon rises, an owl hoots in my backyard, snow falls, warm soup is delivered from a neighbor, a good friend knocks to lend an ear, my parents and in-laws take my kids…

it’s still just one big fat paradox (amazed at who's made themselves available to us in our darkest hour)

GOD is Sovereign, and He is Just…

in the meantime, please, i urge you to pray for those precious children, all of them. we’ve heard rumors that an amendment was proposed in the law just after their president signed, which takes the children with disabilities from the application of the law. it's a crazy amazing miracle for the few of us who are willing to adopt the special ones, not so much for the others.. 

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i hope to be back with family christmas pics and the usual but im not sure if i'll be blogging as much this year..  i am enjoying the lull at His feet... g'night for now and Happy New Year.